A man walks into an employment agency to look for a job. Times are hard, and there’s not much to speak of in the listings, but at last he finds one that catches his eye: “school bus driver.” He takes down the information, gives them a call, gets an interview, and is hired.
He receives his job training in the bus he is to drive. It is decorated both inside and out with pictures of all the characters on “Sesame Street,” the kids’ favorite show. The guy is a bit embarrassed to be seen in such a bus, but a job is a job, and he’ll put up with it for the paycheck. After learning the route, he sets out for his first day on the job. He is happy to be working again, and he is more than a little curious to meet the kids he will be taking to school every day.
Soon he arrives at his first stop, where an enormously fat girl is waiting to get on. She does, and after he leans out the opposite window to keep the bus from tipping, he asks her name. “I’m Patty!” she responds.
He starts off for the second stop, and what does he see but another girl, even fatter than the first! He has her sit on the other side of the bus from the first girl, and then he asks her name. “I’m Patty too!” she replies.
The bus is a bit slower by now, and the Sesame Street characters are beginning to get on his nerves. He is worried that some of his buddies will see him at the wheel of this machine and laugh at him for weeks. Soon he is at his next stop. Waiting there is the most amazing nerd of a kid he has ever seen. Highwater pants, mismatched socks, cowlicks; this boy has it all. Without being asked, the boy offers this information in a loud voice: “HI! MY NAME IS ROSS! MY MOMMY SAYS I’M SPECIAL! I’M SPECIAL!”
“Yeah Ross, you sure are …” The driver is really worried about being seen now with this gang in the bus. Every kid on the route has been bizarre, and the next one is no exception. An absolutely filthy boy (he thinks it’s a boy, but who can be sure under all that mud?) gets on the bus. All the kids roll down their windows, and as soon as the wave of odor hits the driver, he does the same. This kid has never bathed!
The driver doesn’t want to ask this boy’s name, but he doesn’t need to. All the other kids start chanting, “Lester sleaze! Lester sleaze!” The driver sends Lester all the way to the back of the bus and continues on toward school.
Soon, an especially pungent blast of air comes wafting through the bus. It’s foul. The driver gags, retches, and pulls over. When he looks back to see just what Lester is doing, he sees that the boy has removed his shoes and is picking busily at something between his toes. “LESTER! PUT YOUR SHOES ON NOW!!” Lester finishes fussing with his foot and does as the obviously outraged driver says.
The driver can’t take it any more. The bus stinks, come close to tipping over every time Patty and Patty lean over to exchange a secret or something, Ross is yammering on about how his mommy loves her special little boy, and sure enough, there his friends are on the street corner, laughing their heads off at his “Sesame Street hot rod”! He makes up his mind right then and there to quit as soon as possible. He gets the kids to school, sees them off the bus, and roars straight over to the employment agency.
“I QUIT!” he yells at them. “I CAN’T STAND IT ANY MORE!”
“What’s the matter, guy?”
He explains it to the staff. “I had two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester sleaze pickin’ a bunion, all on a Sesame Street bus!!!”
